Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
