Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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