At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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