he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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