I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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