if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize