I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
