I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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