got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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