He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize