my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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