WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
