I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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