so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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