they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
