The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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