We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
