At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
