Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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