Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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