thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
