careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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