Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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