so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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