She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
