oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
