Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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