we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
