don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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