She is in my trunk
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
