I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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