I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
