I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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