Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
