i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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