her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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