Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
