If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
