It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
