I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize