I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
