How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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