The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
