If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
