Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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