And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
