ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
wow bdsm is so cute
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize