I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
