Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
