He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Come on in and take your pants off
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