I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
