I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize