i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
