Yo dont text me then not text me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
