his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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