If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
barbara walters just said penis...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
