My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
