dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
being pregnant is like rehab
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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