if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize