Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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