wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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