Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
