I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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