so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
