He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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