Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
