I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
