I just saw a hot homeless man
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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