That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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