dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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