just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
