Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
