THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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