She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come share oat with me in your robe
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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