ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
