coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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