i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
