Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
