apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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