i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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