I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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