ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
North Korea, Best Korea!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I intend to get homeless drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
