Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize