so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
