Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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