your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
