You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
