No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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