My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
