She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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