david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
