I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
