Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
