Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
