sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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