There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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