So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
