I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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