"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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