When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
